Are you a snooper?

Why do women snoop? Call it baggage or a woman's instinct, but I'm a guilty party. I don't know any woman who doesn't snoop through their man's stuff. I'm not speaking of everyday psycho stalker going through his voice mails, e-mails, address book, text messages, pockets, receipts, wallet, drawers etc..., but every once in awhile a peek here and a peek there. Granted if a man has been dishonest before then the urge increases. When infidelity occurs, psycho stalker snooping is generally an automatic response that can't be helped. This type of emotional turmoil can result in some serious mental illness and professional help should be sought. Trust me....been there....done that! (But almost always found evidence of my ex's multiple infidelities!)

For the general snoopers though, one might say that it symbolizes distrust. I don't necessarily think that's the case. It could be baggage, but personally, I'm just nosy. LOL I highly doubt Papa Bear would ever cheat on me. He's not that kind of guy and has enough problems with me. He doesn't need any more! :) One of the things I value most about my relationship with Papa Bear is I have never caught him in a lie. Sometimes he's too honest for his own damn good!

Men aren't always the best at communicating, especially emotions. If I find something handwritten of Papa Bear's, naturally I'm going to read it out of curiosity. He frowns upon this. Not because he's hiding something, rather because he thinks I'm not respecting his privacy. Give me a break! Didn't he realize he lost the gift of privacy the day he said I love you???

So here is something that challenges my beliefs. As I've mentioned previously, I'm a great preacher and a horrible practicer! Of course every human being on earth has the right to their own privacy. It is completely unfair and disrespectful not to grant them this God given right. I know this. I feel strongly about this. Yet...I still snoop. Shame on me!

Where's the Ring?

Every year as Valentine's Day approaches (for the past few years), I can't help but to feel irritated and angry that this will be yet another year without a proposal! It's obvious to me when Papa Bear asks what I want for Valentine's Day aka our anniversary, that he hasn't shopped and surely hasn't bought me the damn ring I deserve!

When Papa Bear and I met several years ago, we were both fresh out of bitter break-ups. His break up was a divorce. (I have never been married.) At the time we both felt very negative about relationships and love. He made it very clear to me that he would never marry again and had no faith in the meaning of marriage. To him it was an expensive piece of paper. At the time I had no faith in love and relationships so I didn't care.

As the years passed, love grew and my vision of relationships became a bit more optimistic. I realized love stinks at times. Yeah-that's life! It doesn't mean you have to break up. With this new found perception came new found dreams. I want to be married and I want to be married to Papa Bear, the man I love with all my heart. I have expressed my feelings to him time and time again and although he still thinks marriage doesn't mean anything and it is an expensive piece of paper, he understands it's important to me and assures me that it will happen. He says it will happen when I stop telling him I want my damn ring already. So, since Valentine's Day of last year I have barely mentioned it. When other people who don't have kids or have been together a much shorter time and get engaged, I tend to bust his chops about it. But otherwise, I have not mentioned a word.

So here we are at another Valentine's Day and he keeps asking me over & over what I want. I've replied that he should know and it's something I want him to want so quit asking me. Honestly, I don't think he gets it!

As a side note, why do I want my proposal as a Valentine's present? It's our anniversary and I've always felt like we were shot with cupid's arrow on Valentine's Day, so it's super significant to me. I dream of being proposed to and married on Valentine's Day. Maybe it's a little superficial, but everyone is entitled to their own dreams.

Now, I'm trying not to get myself all aggravated and disappointed but I can't help the way I feel. Why doesn't he want to marry me? Why doesn't he want me to be his wife? I know he loves me unconditionally and plans on being with me forever. I know he's over his ex-wife. So what's his deal? Why is he still jaded? Urrrgghhh, love can be SO annoying!!!

At the end of the day I know that I could spend the rest of my life with someone whom WILL marry me, but I may not share the same love, dreams, values and happiness with. OR, I could stay unwed with my meano Papa Bear and know that I'm growing old with someone whom I love endlessly that shares the same love, dreams, perspectives, interests, and joy as I do. I trust him, I have faith in our love and we have kids. How much is that piece of paper really worth?

Cohabitation & Marriage Domestic Responsibilities

One of the things that has really instilled a lot of aggravation in me lately is the fact that my guy (we'll refer to him as "Papa Bear" from now on) doesn't hold up his end of the household responsibilities sometimes. He has been laid off since Thanksgiving. The first week of January we both started home improvement projects. Obviously his is much more involved than mine. I painted the bathroom and all of the cabinets. His project was/is to rebuild our kitchen cabinets from scratch. (Which is actually a project that results from a home improvement project gone bad that I attempted to do years ago. Regardless....he's taken the responsibility to revamp the cabinets.) I work two jobs and had the bathroom done in a week, working endlessly until it was complete. He works a side job here and there while he is laid off and has accomplished cutting the wood.

If he was working his butt off, I would not complain. But he's a sleepaholic and rather then getting up and working on the cabinets, he sleeps all day. To top it off, on the days he hasn't slept all day, he went out partying with his friends whom are also laid off. And now he tells me he has to take a ride with his buddy upstate to go return a crib with him. Are you kidding me?? He can ALWAYS jump to do a favor for his friends but when it comes to improving something for our house, it's like having teeth pulled without the Novocaine!!

Managing household chores and responsibilities is a very common problem in marriage and cohabiting relationships. When someone doesn't hold up their end of the deal it is extremely irritating and frustrating. I do not believe this is a legitimate reason to call it quits. This is where the work comes in. It's important to communicate in a non-threatening way when you feel angry or it will build into bitterness and resentment. ( That's where I have a problem. My communication comes across as nagging or sarcastic. I've been working on effective communication for years!) It is also important to pick your battles. If you constantly "discuss" how the socks on the floor or dirty plate on the table bother you, eventually it will not get taken seriously. Suck those minor irritations up and try to focus on the positive. One day that person may pass on before you and you will miss their obvious presence.

Intoduction To Love Stinks

I am not a cynical woman. Perhaps I am like Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City. I believe in love, but often have a hard time with it.

Relationships are so much work! Are they supposed to be this way? How do people last a lifetime together?

I have done a lot of research and believe me, I know a lot of statistics. Although I'm sure the numbers have changed over the years, the bottom line is relationships ARE WORK. They require an ungodly amount of patience and effort. But for me, I'm always better at preaching rather than practicing.

It's only fair to give a little history. I have been with my man for 5 years....since 2003. We took a sabbatical from 2005-2006. We are in our 30's. We have a daughter who's almost 2 and I have a 12 years old he treats (almost) like his own. We have lived together since the beginning. It was "love at first sight" with us. He is me, but the opposite sex......so I thought years ago.

It's really hard to spill 5 years of good and bad times together all in one entry. I have big ideas for this blog and hope it someday evolves into a site of it's own. The goal I hope to achieve is to help other people who feel unhappy in their relationships understand they are not alone. Love is not a happy fairytale. Love is work! A lot of work! Sometimes we find our spouse or significant other repulsive. Honestly, I think that's normal. LOL. But that is why I am here, to learn, to share, to grow and to try and understand why sometimes I feel like no matter what I'm just never going to be happy. Perhaps it's because I'm female????