Cohabitation & Marriage Domestic Responsibilities

One of the things that has really instilled a lot of aggravation in me lately is the fact that my guy (we'll refer to him as "Papa Bear" from now on) doesn't hold up his end of the household responsibilities sometimes. He has been laid off since Thanksgiving. The first week of January we both started home improvement projects. Obviously his is much more involved than mine. I painted the bathroom and all of the cabinets. His project was/is to rebuild our kitchen cabinets from scratch. (Which is actually a project that results from a home improvement project gone bad that I attempted to do years ago. Regardless....he's taken the responsibility to revamp the cabinets.) I work two jobs and had the bathroom done in a week, working endlessly until it was complete. He works a side job here and there while he is laid off and has accomplished cutting the wood.

If he was working his butt off, I would not complain. But he's a sleepaholic and rather then getting up and working on the cabinets, he sleeps all day. To top it off, on the days he hasn't slept all day, he went out partying with his friends whom are also laid off. And now he tells me he has to take a ride with his buddy upstate to go return a crib with him. Are you kidding me?? He can ALWAYS jump to do a favor for his friends but when it comes to improving something for our house, it's like having teeth pulled without the Novocaine!!

Managing household chores and responsibilities is a very common problem in marriage and cohabiting relationships. When someone doesn't hold up their end of the deal it is extremely irritating and frustrating. I do not believe this is a legitimate reason to call it quits. This is where the work comes in. It's important to communicate in a non-threatening way when you feel angry or it will build into bitterness and resentment. ( That's where I have a problem. My communication comes across as nagging or sarcastic. I've been working on effective communication for years!) It is also important to pick your battles. If you constantly "discuss" how the socks on the floor or dirty plate on the table bother you, eventually it will not get taken seriously. Suck those minor irritations up and try to focus on the positive. One day that person may pass on before you and you will miss their obvious presence.