Where's the Ring?

Every year as Valentine's Day approaches (for the past few years), I can't help but to feel irritated and angry that this will be yet another year without a proposal! It's obvious to me when Papa Bear asks what I want for Valentine's Day aka our anniversary, that he hasn't shopped and surely hasn't bought me the damn ring I deserve!

When Papa Bear and I met several years ago, we were both fresh out of bitter break-ups. His break up was a divorce. (I have never been married.) At the time we both felt very negative about relationships and love. He made it very clear to me that he would never marry again and had no faith in the meaning of marriage. To him it was an expensive piece of paper. At the time I had no faith in love and relationships so I didn't care.

As the years passed, love grew and my vision of relationships became a bit more optimistic. I realized love stinks at times. Yeah-that's life! It doesn't mean you have to break up. With this new found perception came new found dreams. I want to be married and I want to be married to Papa Bear, the man I love with all my heart. I have expressed my feelings to him time and time again and although he still thinks marriage doesn't mean anything and it is an expensive piece of paper, he understands it's important to me and assures me that it will happen. He says it will happen when I stop telling him I want my damn ring already. So, since Valentine's Day of last year I have barely mentioned it. When other people who don't have kids or have been together a much shorter time and get engaged, I tend to bust his chops about it. But otherwise, I have not mentioned a word.

So here we are at another Valentine's Day and he keeps asking me over & over what I want. I've replied that he should know and it's something I want him to want so quit asking me. Honestly, I don't think he gets it!

As a side note, why do I want my proposal as a Valentine's present? It's our anniversary and I've always felt like we were shot with cupid's arrow on Valentine's Day, so it's super significant to me. I dream of being proposed to and married on Valentine's Day. Maybe it's a little superficial, but everyone is entitled to their own dreams.

Now, I'm trying not to get myself all aggravated and disappointed but I can't help the way I feel. Why doesn't he want to marry me? Why doesn't he want me to be his wife? I know he loves me unconditionally and plans on being with me forever. I know he's over his ex-wife. So what's his deal? Why is he still jaded? Urrrgghhh, love can be SO annoying!!!

At the end of the day I know that I could spend the rest of my life with someone whom WILL marry me, but I may not share the same love, dreams, values and happiness with. OR, I could stay unwed with my meano Papa Bear and know that I'm growing old with someone whom I love endlessly that shares the same love, dreams, perspectives, interests, and joy as I do. I trust him, I have faith in our love and we have kids. How much is that piece of paper really worth?