Couples Counseling

I have never been a big fan of counseling. From previous experience, therapists sent me home with books to read and worksheet homework assignments. That is stuff I can do on my own without paying $200.00 per hour. For the past 10 years of my life, I have chosen my own path for self discovery. I have read several books about psychology, human behavior, marriage, gender and so forth. I probably have spent less than $200.00 on all of the books I've read. I have grown tremendously and prospered emotionally and spiritually.

Additionally, no one can change me but myself. I am the creator of my life. I am the artist painting my picture. I can paint it any way I would like. If something is out of my control, I grieve it (if applicable), accept it and try to let it go. Generally, I'm a fix myself type of gal (YIKES-maybe that's the problem! Just kidding.) I consider myself to be very intelligent and when something is outside of my power, I turn to God. I have a very strong faith in God and trust that if something works out in a way I'm unhappy about, there IS a reason and one day I will know what the reason was.

Sometimes we have the power to change things, but may not know how or choose not to. In these type of situations a psychotherapist may help. There ARE times when we need an unbiased opinion from an outsider we can trust. There are different circumstances for everyone.

When it comes to relationships and marriage, we cannot change our partners. We do not have the power to change our partners actions and behaviors. We may try and sometimes they may cooperate, but often times trying to change our partners results in bitterness and resentment.

Communication is detrimental to the success of a relationship. Papa Bear & I have the worst communication EVER! (Poor communication can be fatal in relationships and are often the root of marriage problems.) It doesn't matter how many times I try to express my feelings or in how many ways. I've tried irrational screaming and throwing things, talking calmly, writing letters and direct talking without emotion. I've gone as crazy as making him a video to watch alone. (Love can make ya nuts!) I just can't seem to get through to him. After 5/6 years of the same vicious cycle of fighting, I have gotten to the point where my anger and resentment is too much to bear. Our intimacy has decreased tremendously and I often wonder how I feel anymore. I know I love him, but I haven't felt in love in awhile. I am exhausted. I am tired of saying the same things over and over again and the results not changing. I'm sure he's just as tired of hearing it.

Despite my feelings about psychotherapy, We (I) have decided to seek professional assistance. I am desperate to save my relationship and my family. I DO NOT want to give up, yet I feel my motivation to work on our relationship rapidly declining. I don't have much strength left to fight.

I hate to say I'm going to relationship counselor because I'm looking for a referee. Perhaps I'm looking for that unbiased opinion. I need someone to open up years worth of wounds and help us heal them through effective communication. I want someone to explain to Papa Bear that I'm not crazy and/or unreasonable. I want to say things and mean them. I need to be able to cope with the fact that we have been raised differently and have different values. We are wired differently and have different perspectives and expectations. We are maturing at different rates and have different goals and mindsets. I'm a fantastic preacher, but not too good at practicing what I preach. Although I understand our differences, I don't know how to NOT let them hurt me. I try that "choosing" crap and it just doesn't work for me. I really hope and pray we gain something from professional couples counseling and our relationship improves.

I would love to hear others' experiences with couples or marriage counseling. Has it worked for you?

If you are experiencing marriage problems and want to find a couples counselor near you, visit The Family & Marriage Directory after you read How To Find A Good Marriage Counselor.